MEAT Liquor

As this is the first post on my most probably ill-conceived blog, I thought I’d start right near the top with one of my favourites. I want to share with you a life-changing experience. Fast food El Dorado you see. If this review seems overly gushing it’s because it’s in every way deserved. Believe me when I tell you that I hate a lot of restaurants, they drive me to high-anxiety, rage, manic depression, faithlessness and ultimately, jaded acceptance of their mediocrity. But that’s for later posts. I decided I’d talk about somewhere so god damn fantastic that it demands a blog in itself.  That place friends, is MEAT Liquor.

If over the past couple of years you’ve read about street food in a paper, stood in line at a food truck or stuffed your face in some gourmet curry box, it’s because of these guys. Conceived a couple of years ago by a guy called Yianni as a burger van called Meatwagon, it quickly grew into a pub residence labelled #Meateasy. From this a fully paid up restaurant named MEAT Liquor was born. Think of it as an American diner that’s been hitting the crack pipe for four days while listening to the Velvet Underground on repeat. It’s dirty, sleazy and aggressive. It slaps you around like your uncle after one to many Martinis. The place is so cool the only way to escape it is by jumping straight through the window.

Caution: Be prepared to queue. It’s a strange development in the restaurant world these days that the reservation book has been torched, banished to hell along with the dinner jacket policy but thems the breaks I’m afraid (good news re the dinner jackets, why be made to feel like Alan Partridge). Luckily when I arrived (2pm Saturday) there was no queue at all. We waited at the bar for about 15 minutes drinking Bloody Marys out of jam jars (jam jars being the hip flask de jour – stuff like this would usually make me want to punch myself in the face but it works here). In one word: deadly. The quality vodka mixed with great tomato juice and some spikey seasoning served in an ice-cold jar which used to contain your grannys marmalade goes down an absolute storm.

The Bar & Cocktail list are provided by a secretive Bartender collective called Soulshakers. I love the idea of that, a rag-tag bunch of gunslinger barmen who obviously pissed off and underpaid under their previous employers decided to group together and combine their knowledge designing some of the best bars and cocktail lists in London. I love it, power to the workers and all that. Good cocktails too, with or without the jam jars. To give you example of a minute detail you order a drink and the fruit (lemon, lime, whatever) is totally fresh. It doesn’t sink straight to the bottom, partially dissolving while you stare at it pondering what went wrong with the world. This might sound pedantic but if a restaurant can’t get their lemon slices in order how do you expect them to grill your burger properly. They also do a drink called a Lagerita (Yes original name I know, Lager and Margarita) which is supposed to brilliant but I forgot to order one such was my raging carnal desire for grilled meat con queso.

At first glance the menu reads like many other Diners with aspirations of greatness but end up in boring culinary fare: wings, slaw, onion rings etc until you happen across something curiously original, Deep Fried Pickles. What in the name of Jesus are Deep Fried Pickles? They’re unbelievable, that’s what they are. Arriving on the signature MEAT Liquor cafeteria red tray they initially look strange, like oiled up deep fried mars bars. The initial hesitation is immediately expunged as soon as you bite into one of these bad boys. The combination of hot batter and cool salty pickle is Sonny & Cher good, a marriage made forever, well maybe Sonny and Cher didn’t last forever but you know what I mean. They come with a blue cheese dipping sauce that is so good you’d wear it as cologne. This is a winning appetiser if ever there was one. The pickles explode in your mouth unleashing all that saltiness while the hot batter adds the burn (in a good way). The blue cheese sauce cools everything down and adds a desired richness to the piquancy of those salty pickles.    

Now onto the main event of the evening as Michael Buffer would say: burgertown. Some of the menu names are familiar, Cheeseburger, Mushroom Swiss, and some are not; Double Bubble, Dead Hippy. What’s a Dead Hippy you say?  Its Yianni’s take on the famous In-N-Out Double-Double Animal Style, one of gods own creations. It’s two beef patties (served medium i.e pink) with a slice of cheese on each patty (very important, difficult to understate how essential cheese is on EACH meat patty, this is a theme I will return to over the course of this blog) pickles, lettuce and “sauce”, MEAT Liquors take on signature sauces everywhere, whether it be In-N-Out, McDonalds or the King.

Biting into this burger can only be described as a religious experience. The outside of the meat is seasoned(essential) then properly charred while the centre is pink (only achieved by getting the griddle hot enough to cook the outside without cooking the meat through, if the griddle is warm the inside will end up as cooked as the outside). It’s amazing, the combination of great meat, soft squishy bun (oh sailor!) and melting American cheese is what all burgers should aspire to. A note on the size: the Dead Hippy isn’t some gargantuan bowling ball between some unsuspecting bun that can’t contain it, like the girl at school who deliberately wore her bra that couple of sizes too small. No, it’s only slightly bigger than a Big Mac, and that’s the point. When you bite a burger you should be able to taste all of its components, it should be proportional. That’s why you put stuff on it, so you can taste it all together, duh. Simple concept I know but one that some can’t seem to grasp, not pointing any fingers at any of Dublin’s high end burger joints. The bottom line is that it tastes delicious, each ingredient like a spoke in some magical burger wheel.

All of this Dead Hippy talk has nearly made me forget the other burger masterpiece on offer: The Buffalo Chicken burger. This is a whole chicken breast, coated in some delicious batter, deep fried to perfection. That sounds good enough, especially considering that the chicken is totally moist and in no way dry probably due to the protection of the batter. But what really lifts this into the stratosphere is that it’s completely drenched in hot sauce. I’m 99% sure its Franks, good idea.  Why bother concocting your own when it’ll only be inferior to the shop bought version. Similar to when chefs make their own Ketchup and people still reach for the Heinz, its smacks of effete gastronomical snobbery. Anyway I digress, the Buffalo Chicken is simply accompanied by some unthreatening mayo, shredded iceberg and the aforementioned “essential” squishy bun. Chicken, batter & hot sauce is always a winner and when you stick it in between some buns you get a taste even the Colonel himself would be proud of.  I’ll tell you right now it’ll be the best chicken burger you’ll ever have.

The fries play an essential support role. They are there to enhance and support the burger, not steal the limelight. They’re like a solid background actor keeping the movie rolling along nicely, the Kevin Kline of the show if you will. They also arrive seasoned, which I like. Seasoning in nearly every case improves your food, without it food tastes sad, listless, depressed. The fries do exactly what you require and ask no more of you. They arrive in the right place, at the right time and beside the right burgers. An excellent coleslaw arrives also but in this company it’s merely a side-note, I almost feel sorry for it in such esteemed company.

The whole thing will set you back less than £15 for pickles, one of the burgers and fries and if that ain’t good value then I don’t know what is. People are all too happy to drop a ton on bland mediocrity so 15 quid on the best burger you’ll try this side of Southern California (any In-N-Out branch really) represents money in the bank. To quote Tom from Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels “It’s a deal, it’s a steal, it’s sale of the f*cking century!”

I’d heard so much about MEAT Liquor before finally getting to eat here. Usually this can end in disappointment but not in this burger instance. Next time you’re in London Town make sure you check it out. Actually just jump on a flight and get there as soon as you can.

*****/*****